Monday, February 7, 2011

Bad Question Good Answer

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.


Ciprian said...

Thank you Bhante!
My laughter probably awakened all my neighbors. As I work in the judicial system I am not a stranger to this kind of incidents, but I never heard so good ones..

peace said...

i see a the side of you Bhante that is not usually seen - your sense of humor.


thank you for sharing! said...

real life high court hilarity

syeong said...

Thanks, Bhante !
Really put a smile on my face. And, even a silent laughter as I'm reading this at my work desk. I really like your sense of humor. It's the best elixir in the world as most of us do not laugh that often these days.

Anonymous said...

Some of these are hilarious :-) Thanks for sharing

Javen said...

Haha bhante, you reminded me of Rush Hour 3.

watch this:

Yu: May I help you?
Carter: We'll be askin' the questions, old man. Who are you?
Yu: Yu.
Carter: No, not me, you.
Yu: Yes, I am Yu.
Carter: Just answer the damn questions, who are you?
Yu: I have told you.
Carter: Are you deaf?
Yu: No, Yu is blind.
Carter: I'm not blind, you blind.
Yu: That is what I just said.
Carter: You just said what?
Yu: I did not say what, I said Yu!
Carter: That's what I'm askin' you!
Yu: And Yu is answering!
Carter: Shut up! (turns to personnel) You!
Yu: Yes?
Carter: No, not you, him! (to personnel) What's yo' name?
Mi: Mi.
Carter: Yes, YOU!
Mi: I am Mi!
Yu: He is Mi, and I am Yu.
Carter: And I'm about to whoop your old ass, man, 'cause I'm sick of playin' games! (points to everyone in the room) You, me, everybody's ass around here! (points to tall student) Him--I'm-a kick his ass, I'm sick of this!